<\/p>\n
In 2024, I discovered my love for fiction books, and since then, I have read around 200 books, mostly fantasy, romance, and thrillers. I also decided to create a TikTok account to talk about my love for these books, where I constantly recommend books to girls and share reviews.<\/p>\n
One day, I posted a picture of a scene from a romance book I was reading. It was a beautifully written moment between two characters, emotional and intense, but nothing too explicit (there\u2019s nothing wrong with that), and then I received a comment from a man that said, \u201cWomen are basically reading porn.\u201d<\/p>\n
That one comment perfectly sums up the way men view women\u2019s reading habits, and here I\u2019m going to talk about why this comment is not only wrong but deeply misogynistic, and why women who read romance and romantasy are constantly criticized in ways that men who consume similar content never are.<\/p>\n
Nobody calls Game of Thrones \u201cporn for men\u201d even though it has the same explicit content as women\u2019s books.
\nHere\u2019s what bothers me the most about men calling romance books \u201cporn for women\u201d: they consume content with the exact same level of explicit scenes, and nobody says anything about it.<\/p>\n
Game of Thrones is a perfect example.<\/p>\n
That show had explicit sex scenes in almost every episode. Graphic violence, nudity, sexual assault depicted on screen, and brothels as major plot locations. The books are even more detailed.<\/p>\n
And yet, nobody calls it porn. Nobody reduces the entire series to just the sex scenes. Nobody tells men who watch it that they\u2019re \u201cbasically watching porn.\u201d<\/p>\n
Instead, it\u2019s considered prestige television. It\u2019s praised for its complex plot, political intrigue, and character development. Men can talk about loving Game of Thrones without anyone questioning their taste or assuming they only watch it for the sex.<\/p>\n
But when women read romance or romantasy books that have similar content, suddenly it\u2019s pornography. The entire 400-page book with worldbuilding, character arcs, political conflicts, and emotional depth is reduced to a handful of spicy scenes.<\/p>\n
And Game of Thrones is just one example of many. Men read fantasy books with explicit content all the time. They watch movies and shows with sex scenes. They play video games with sexual content. And nobody bats an eye.<\/p>\n
But the moment women enjoy similar content in book form, it\u2019s shameful. It\u2019s embarrassing. It\u2019s \u201cbasically porn.\u201d<\/p>\n
So the difference is who\u2019s consuming it.<\/p>\n
When men consume sexual content, it\u2019s seen as normal, acceptable, or just a small part of a larger story. When women do it, that\u2019s all people focus on.<\/p>\n
And that\u2019s the double standard.<\/p>\n
Men are allowed to enjoy media that includes sex without having their entire taste in entertainment questioned. Women aren\u2019t.<\/p>\n
Romance and romantasy books have just as much plot, character development, and storytelling as any other genre. Some of the books I\u2019ve read this year have more complex worldbuilding than most fantasy series men praise.<\/p>\n
But because they\u2019re marketed toward women, and because they include romantic and sexual content written from a female perspective, they\u2019re dismissed as shallow or pornographic.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s misogyny. Plain and simple.<\/p>\n
Men don\u2019t want to admit that women\u2019s stories, women\u2019s desires, and women\u2019s preferences are just as valid as theirs. So they reduce entire genres to sex scenes and act like we\u2019re doing something shameful by reading them.<\/p>\n
But if reading a romance book with a few spicy scenes makes me a porn consumer, then every man who\u2019s watched Game of Thrones, read a fantasy novel with sex in it, or played a video game with sexual content is doing the exact same thing.<\/p>\n
The only difference is that nobody\u2019s shaming them for it.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
If you think romance books are just porn, you\u2019ve clearly never read one.
\nThe men who say romance books are \u201cbasically porn\u201d have one thing in common: they\u2019ve never actually read one.<\/p>\n
Because if they had, they\u2019d know that romance and romantasy books are not just sex scenes strung together with minimal plot. They\u2019re full novels with complex storylines, character development, worldbuilding, and emotional depth.<\/p>\n
The spicy scenes are usually a small fraction of the book.<\/p>\n
Most romance books are 300 to 500 pages long. Of those pages, maybe 10 to 30 have explicit content. The rest is plot, dialogue, character growth, conflict, and resolution.<\/p>\n
But men see one excerpt from a spicy scene on social media and assume that\u2019s the entire book.<\/p>\n
They don\u2019t see the 200 pages leading up to that scene where the characters met, developed a connection, overcame obstacles, and built emotional intimacy. They don\u2019t see the plot happening around the romance. They don\u2019t see the worldbuilding, the political intrigue, the friendships, the personal growth.<\/p>\n
They just see the sex and decide that\u2019s all it is.<\/p>\n
I\u2019ve read fantasy books this year with more intricate magic systems than most \u201cserious\u201d fantasy novels men recommend. I\u2019ve read romance books with more emotional complexity than literary fiction. I\u2019ve read romance that balances epic battles, court politics, and personal relationships better than most mainstream fantasy series.<\/p>\n
But because these books are written for women and include romance, they\u2019re dismissed as shallow.<\/p>\n
Men don\u2019t understand that romance isn\u2019t the absence of plot. It\u2019s part of the plot. The relationship between the characters drives the story forward, creates conflict, raises stakes, and adds emotional weight to everything that happens.<\/p>\n
Just like in their favorite shows and movies, where romantic subplots exist, and nobody complains.<\/p>\n
The difference is that in romance books, the relationship is the main plot, not the subplot. And apparently, that makes it less valuable.<\/p>\n
But it doesn\u2019t.<\/p>\n
A well-written romance novel requires just as much skill, planning, and storytelling ability as any other genre. The author has to develop two fully realized characters, create believable chemistry, build tension, navigate conflict, and deliver a satisfying emotional payoff.<\/p>\n
And yes, sometimes that includes sex scenes. Because romance is about intimacy, both emotional and physical.<\/p>\n
But reducing the entire genre to those scenes shows a complete lack of understanding of what these books actually are.<\/p>\n
If someone tried to summarize Game of Thrones as \u201cjust a show about sex and violence,\u201d fans would rightfully argue that they\u2019re missing the entire point. That the show is about power, family, loyalty, betrayal, and survival, and the sex and violence are just elements within that larger story.<\/p>\n
The same applies to romance books.<\/p>\n
The spicy scenes are elements within a larger story about love, trust, vulnerability, personal growth, and connection. They\u2019re not the whole story. They\u2019re part of it.<\/p>\n
So when men call romance books porn, what they\u2019re really saying is: \u201cI haven\u2019t read these books, I don\u2019t understand these books, and I\u2019m not willing to take them seriously because they\u2019re made for women.\u201d<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
And that says a lot more about them than it does about the books.<\/p>\n
Women are allowed to enjoy romance and sexuality in their reading, and that\u2019s not a bad thing.
\nEven if romance books were entirely about sex, which they\u2019re not, there would still be nothing wrong with women reading them.<\/p>\n
Women are allowed to enjoy sexual content. Women are allowed to read books with spicy scenes. Women are allowed to explore romance, desire, and intimacy through fiction.<\/p>\n
And the fact that men are so uncomfortable with this says everything.<\/p>\n
Because men consume sexual content all the time. They watch movies with sex scenes. They play video games with sexual elements. They read books with explicit content. And society doesn\u2019t shame them for it.<\/p>\n
But when women do the same thing, suddenly it\u2019s inappropriate. Suddenly, it\u2019s embarrassing. Suddenly, we\u2019re supposed to feel guilty about it.<\/p>\n
Why?<\/p>\n
Because women aren\u2019t supposed to have sexual desires. We\u2019re not supposed to enjoy sexual content. We\u2019re not supposed to seek out media that explores intimacy and attraction from a female perspective.<\/p>\n
We\u2019re supposed to be passive. We\u2019re supposed to wait for men to initiate. We\u2019re supposed to pretend we don\u2019t think about sex or romance unless a man brings it up first.<\/p>\n
And reading romance books, especially ones with explicit scenes, breaks that expectation.<\/p>\n
It shows that women have sexual agency. That we have preferences. That we enjoy exploring desire and intimacy in ways that center our perspective and our pleasure.<\/p>\n
And that makes men uncomfortable.<\/p>\n
So they shame us for it. They call our books porn. They act like we\u2019re doing something shameful or pathetic by reading content that we enjoy.<\/p>\n
But there\u2019s nothing shameful about it.<\/p>\n
Men don\u2019t get shamed for watching action movies with sex scenes. They don\u2019t get mocked for reading thrillers that include sexual content. They don\u2019t get called porn consumers for enjoying media that happens to have explicit moments.<\/p>\n
But women do. Because the real issue isn\u2019t the content. It\u2019s that women are enjoying it.<\/p>\n
And society has always been uncomfortable with women openly expressing sexual desire or seeking out content that caters to female sexuality.<\/p>\n
The criticism that romance books are \u201cbasically porn\u201d has nothing to do with the actual content of the books.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s not about the spicy scenes, because men consume media with just as much explicit content, and nobody reduces it to pornography.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s not about the quality of the writing, because many romance and romantasy authors are incredibly talented storytellers with complex plots and well-developed characters.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s not even about protecting women from \u201cinappropriate\u201d content, because nobody seems concerned when we watch the same shows and movies that men do.<\/p>\n
The real issue is control.<\/p>\n
Men are uncomfortable with women having sexual agency. They\u2019re uncomfortable with women seeking out content that centers female desire, female pleasure, and female perspectives on intimacy.<\/p>\n
They\u2019re uncomfortable that we\u2019re reading stories where we get to choose what we find attractive, what we want in a partner, and what kind of relationships we want to experience, even if only through fiction.<\/p>\n
So they shame us. They reduce our entire reading preferences to porn. They mock us for enjoying romance. They act like we\u2019re doing something embarrassing or pathetic.<\/p>\n
But we\u2019re not.<\/p>\n
We\u2019re reading books we enjoy. Books with plots, characters, emotions, and yes, sometimes sexuality. Just like the content men consume without ever being questioned for it.<\/p>\n
So the next time someone tells me that romance books are \u201cbasically porn,\u201d I\u2019m going to ask them if they\u2019ve ever watched Game of Thrones, read a fantasy novel with sex scenes, or enjoyed any piece of media that includes sexual content.<\/p>\n
And when they say yes, I\u2019ll remind them that the only difference between what they consume and what I read is that mine is written for women.<\/p>\n
And apparently, that\u2019s the real problem.<\/p>\n
Women are allowed to enjoy romance. We\u2019re allowed to enjoy sexuality in our fiction. And we don\u2019t need anyone\u2019s permission or approval to keep reading what we love.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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