If you think romance books are just porn, you’ve clearly never read one.
The men who say romance books are “basically porn” have one thing in common: they’ve never actually read one.
Because if they had, they’d know that romance and romantasy books are not just sex scenes strung together with minimal plot. They’re full novels with complex storylines, character development, worldbuilding, and emotional depth.
The spicy scenes are usually a small fraction of the book.
Most romance books are 300 to 500 pages long. Of those pages, maybe 10 to 30 have explicit content. The rest is plot, dialogue, character growth, conflict, and resolution.
But men see one excerpt from a spicy scene on social media and assume that’s the entire book.
They don’t see the 200 pages leading up to that scene where the characters met, developed a connection, overcame obstacles, and built emotional intimacy. They don’t see the plot happening around the romance. They don’t see the worldbuilding, the political intrigue, the friendships, the personal growth.
They just see the sex and decide that’s all it is.
I’ve read fantasy books this year with more intricate magic systems than most “serious” fantasy novels men recommend. I’ve read romance books with more emotional complexity than literary fiction. I’ve read romance that balances epic battles, court politics, and personal relationships better than most mainstream fantasy series.
But because these books are written for women and include romance, they’re dismissed as shallow.
Men don’t understand that romance isn’t the absence of plot. It’s part of the plot. The relationship between the characters drives the story forward, creates conflict, raises stakes, and adds emotional weight to everything that happens.
Just like in their favorite shows and movies, where romantic subplots exist, and nobody complains.
The difference is that in romance books, the relationship is the main plot, not the subplot. And apparently, that makes it less valuable.
But it doesn’t.
A well-written romance novel requires just as much skill, planning, and storytelling ability as any other genre. The author has to develop two fully realized characters, create believable chemistry, build tension, navigate conflict, and deliver a satisfying emotional payoff.
And yes, sometimes that includes sex scenes. Because romance is about intimacy, both emotional and physical.
But reducing the entire genre to those scenes shows a complete lack of understanding of what these books actually are.
If someone tried to summarize Game of Thrones as “just a show about sex and violence,” fans would rightfully argue that they’re missing the entire point. That the show is about power, family, loyalty, betrayal, and survival, and the sex and violence are just elements within that larger story.
The same applies to romance books.
The spicy scenes are elements within a larger story about love, trust, vulnerability, personal growth, and connection. They’re not the whole story. They’re part of it.
So when men call romance books porn, what they’re really saying is: “I haven’t read these books, I don’t understand these books, and I’m not willing to take them seriously because they’re made for women.”
